Bright colors spread over the sky - a
brilliant mix of yellow, pink, red, orange . . . all of the colors
involved in a beautiful sunset. You may try to see it in your mind,
though words could never describe how perfect it is. For me, it is
also peaceful.
As I sit out on the balcony, simply
watching the sunset, I am also trying to realize the truth to what
has been going on in my life. I am sick. I have cancer. The doctor's
have tried to treat it, but they did not succeed. It is spreading
through me, and I have been told that I have not much longer to live.
Every day I wonder why. Why did
something like this happen to me? I am young, only twenty-two . . . I
have not had a chance to really do anything with my life. I had to
drop out of college, as I could not keep up with my classes. Also, my
medical bills were too much to handle . . . I could not afford both -
good health and further education. It seems now, I have neither.
My family suffers, as well. We have
always been a close family, and I know this is hard on them. I try to
keep a positive attitude for my younger siblings, at least, but they
know I am sad about it, too. Why should I hide my feelings? After
all, they already know how much I cry over it. But I know, they
pretend, too. The put on a positive attitude for me, as well.
Perhaps, with all of us acting this way, that is one of the reasons
no one has really gotten upset. I help them to stay strong, just as
they help me.
Would that be considered as hiding?
Trying to push away the reality of our situation? Certainly it will
have to be faced, eventually. But how could we face something so
tragic? I will be gone soon . . . what will they do? They won't be
able to avoid it when it happens. I don't want to hurt them - don't
want them to cry.
I know I will not be hurting. I will be
in Heaven, with Jesus. But again, that brings me back to my original
question . . . why? We are created for a purpose, aren't we? Yet if I
haven't done anything, why would God take me from Earth now? Wouldn't
He rather wait until I have done something?
Or . . . perhaps I already have done
something. Maybe I already have made an impression on somebody's
life. Maybe someone has learned about Jesus - because of me. I can't
help but smile as the thought occurs to me. I will never know for
sure, though. Not until I get to Heaven . . . then I can ask Jesus. I
am sure He will tell me.
The sun sinks lower behind the tree
tops. The color is spreading further and further over the sky,
engulfing it all in such beauty. I am happy to know Jesus, He is such
a wonderful creator. Whether I have helped someone or not, I know He
has a reason for bringing me Home.
I wonder if this is the last sunset
I'll see, or perhaps I will live to see a few more. However, I feel
such a sense of peace, it would not matter if this were the last I
ever saw. Tonight, I have had a time of reflection . . . struggle . .
. and now, understanding. I wonder if my family has taken time to
consider it all. Even if they haven't, I want to let them know that I
have.
I struggle back inside, and over to my
desk. Taking out a piece of paper I scribble a short message. Please
do not cry. Be happy and know that I am Home. That seems simple
enough . . . and it certainly communicates my point. As I slip it
into my pocket, I begin to feel foolish. After all, what if tonight
is not my last? Well, then, I will just tell them tomorrow . . .
about all my thoughts and my confidence that it will all be okay.
I go back out to my previous position
on the balcony. After all, a sunset such as this cannot be missed. As
the sky turns to a dull red, I know the sun is almost gone. I feel my
strength leaving me, and I realize that this is, indeed, the last
I'll ever see. I am thankful God allowed the sun to put on such a
beautiful show tonight.
Just before the last red rays sank
below the trees, I felt a much stronger feeling of peace. Stronger
than I had felt since I first started feeling it. I looked up to the
sky, and with my last breath, whispered,
'Yes, Lord, I am ready to
meet you.'
